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Some people are athletic, but many more are only almost-athletic. You might find athletic people in athletic jobs (football players, figure skaters, movers), and almost-athletes in almost-athletic jobs (electricians, plumbers, meter maids). Also, many people do athletic things on their own time to make up for sitting down all day (cycling, tennis, swimming), so these people can be thought of as being somewhere between "athlete" and "non-athlete." Almost-athletes compete at the "beginner," "amateur," or "club level," if they compete at all. They sometimes buy sport magazines, and sometimes watch a favorite sport on television.

Almost-athletes annoy both athletes and non-athletes. They annoy athletes because they can't keep up (they become a source of embarrassment if they are seen together doing the same sport that the athlete is expert in). They annoy non-athletes because they talk about their athletic attempts, their need to exercise, their diets, and the sports they watch on TV. While non-athletes never discuss sports, and athletes never stop talking about their one sport, almost-athletes can turn the "sports-talk" on and off, almost at will.


1. An almost-jock: Almost a professional in at least one sports. (These people may have tried hard earlier in their lives to become an athlete, but they gave up, or other things got in the way of them turning pro.)

2. Almost-commentator: Likes to impress others with trivia. (This person may or may not also be a female bartender trying to impress guys.)

3. Almost-unwell: Participates in athletics only because they must prevent themselves from becoming even more unfit than they already are. (You see these people everywhere because they stick out: overweight people in gyms, tennis players that hit the ball over the fence.)

4. Almost-interested: Appreciates many sports, just as they appreciate many things in life, but they never become proficient at any one sport, or really become athletic, because their time is spread so thinly amongst too many activities. (Most people fall into this category.)

5. Athletic in name only: Participates in an activity that is called a "sport," but is not a sport (or is only a sport for the horse they ride, or the luge sled they sit on).

Examples of people being almost-athletic:







three almost-athletic guys

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