Almost-Psychology
Everyone seems normal, until you get to know them.
Psychology is full of mumbo-jumbo, theories, statistics, and old guys with beards. They make everyone think that they are mental.
However, most people are just almost-mental: able to eat, sleep, do useful work, and put together complete sentenses. So what these people need is Almost-Psychology.
Almost-Psychology cuts out all the bullshit, and uses that bullshit to grow plants, until they blossom into really nice metaphors that everyone can just use and customize to suit whatever the situation is at the time. No big deal.
We can't all be as almost-perfectly sane as I am, but before you start calling those "1-900" numbers, here are some thoughts that might help:
If you've been diagnosed as "obsessive-compulsive," then maybe you just need to scale back on trying to be "all that you can be."
If you were previously diagnosed as "co-dependent," then maybe you can just consider yourself to be almost-dependant (on the other), or somewhat dependant, or "a leaner."
If someone has told you that you have multiple personalities, . . . then try to just stick with your favorite one or two.
If they said you were "paranoid-delusional," then maybe you should not watch the news so much.
If you are almost-schizophrenic, listen carefully to those extra voices inside your head, and maybe all of you together can figure out a different and better way to be almost-nuts.
If you're depressed, don't worry, that feeling almost always goes away by itself, . . . later when you become happy, or when you exercise, or when you are too busy to consider something as fleeting and trivial as your own mood. (First World problem.) Still, you can always be more depressed. If you're feeling almost-suicidal, . . . when selecting which bridge to jump off, it would be advisable to pick one that is very far away (and then stop and smell the roses along the way).
If you are prone to hallucinate, how do you know you are almost-here (there, wherever you are while reading this)? Maybe you could click on a different web site, and imagine that you are somewhere else. If that doesn't work then snap out of it! (Snap sound!) Fee, please.
If you're bipolar, turn off that extremely powerful electromagnet that you have sitting next to you. That's not kid's stuff you're playing with.
If you're bored, lie down on any couch where nobody else is around, speak into the air loudly about what you would RATHER be doing, and then consider doing that.
If you're hyperactive, don't eat as much sugar.
If you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), you might want to re-read this sentence. If you did almost-read the previous sentence and it still didn't help, then re-reading this sentence instead probably ain't gonna help much neither; you might as well just continue almost-reading, . . . and almost-living your life in the almost-way. Some say that is the almost-best way to almost-be anyway. Almost-really! And if you can concentrate through the rest of this page, then maybe you only have AADD. See? (Too much detail, I know.)
If your brain is low on certain hormones (like serotonin, endorphin, dopamine, or norepinephrine), you might be able to order some over the Internet, or consult a medical professional (last resort).
If you suffer from delusions of grandeur, it's best to pick a profession that is not too dangerous (World's Greatest Cellist, not World's Greatest Human Cannonball).
If you really are almost-crazy, AGGGGGHHHHHH! CD9. BOL. TMTOYH! KUTGW. ROFLOL! TYVM.
Internet Slang:
CD9 - code 9 (i.e. you boss/parents might be around)
BOL - best of luck
TMTOYH - too much time on your hands
KUTGW - keep up the good work
ROFLOL - rolling on floor laughing out loud
TYVM - thank you very much
For those NOT already mostly almost-diagnosed, and especially if you don't fit snugly into any of the above categories, you to may still be doing things the almost-way (never quite finishing anything, never really getting anywhere, etc.). You might stay on the fence on most issues, perhaps leaning on one direction, and then later in a different direction.
You can never remain the same, because time goes by and you keep accumulating experience. Tomorrow you will be another person, whether you want that to happen or not. If you want to be someone else, you can't be, because that other person will still be themselves. But with those minor limitations, you can try, and do, and become.
